If my life was to end today, and someone was to read my life narrative they would undoubtedly have to structure every portion of that narrative around my relationship with Jesus Christ. However, that narrative would be incomplete unless the story begun with the absence of that relationship. So that incredible story began on September 4th, 1987, which is the day of my birth into a family of individuals that professed Christianity, attended church regularly, and loved Jesus. I am sure at the moment of my birth, there was prayer, praise and at least one person had to have uttered the cliché “what a handsome bundle of joy”. Unfortunately, I am sure that no one realized that there couldn’t be anything, further from the truth. I was a bundle of evil, wickedness, and pure rebellion from the moment I was conceived, and it was merely a matter of time before that evil and rebellion manifested itself in my life.
Although I came from a religious family, that particular “orientation” did nothing to prohibit me from the harsh realities of Life. Growing up in my family I can recall three distinct situations that structured my sinful and wicked life. When I was in preschool, I was repeatedly sexual molested by a female daughter of one of the preschool teacher, which was an experience that would impact me in ways I could never have imagined. That handsome bundle of wickedness now had an incredibly lustful heart, that stirred to fulfill its impulses. When I was in the first grade, my father’s addictions became the priority of his life, and my mother and my family became second. My parents divorced and a young handsome bundle of wickedness, now developed an incredible void. A void sustained by many years of separation which caused me to turn cold emotionally at a very young age. Sunday services were a requirement in my household, but listening intently was not. I recall one Sunday service in particular where the Pastor of my Baptist church was going into detail about the thrills, the parties, the women, and the other crazy events that created his testimony. He had my undivided attention in that particular moment! Seriously, I wanted everything his story had to offer and I prayed a very simple prayer that day. I said, “Lord, they are always telling me about their testimonies and telling me what not to do, but they already did it! Why can’t I have my own testimony? Lord, I just want my own story to tell…”
The Lord is indeed faithful, and answers prayers.
Eventually my rebellious heart collided with the deep void from the separation of my father and my thirst for lust reached an all time high. From a very young age that mix began to consume my life. I begin to drink alcohol, smoke marijuana, take other drugs, masturbate, and have sexual intercourse at a very young age. Sneaking in and out the house, running off to parties, stealing family vehicles, stealing from stores, anything that could be done, was done. This lifestyle was anything but hidden, but tailored to keep myself just shy of destroying myself and the complete disproval of my family. That is until I reached college, where tailoring or hiding my lifestyle was not necessary. My freshman year at University was saturated in my sin and literally nearly took my life. On August 10, 2007, I became so intoxicated that I blacked out at a wedding, and woke up behind the wheel of my car, and eventually wrapped that car around a telephone pole at about 70 mph. If it was not for my mother, who miraculously at the same moment, same night, same time, was awoken from a dream in which she experienced a depiction of EMS workers removing my dead body from my car, and became so distraught- kneeled down and prayed to God asking Him to allow me to live another day, I firmly believe I would have been dead.
It did not take long after my car accident to realize that God had a plan for my life. That He really desired to do more with my life, than He desired to do with my death. It took a little more time, more experiences, but in God’s perfect timing I accepted that plan, and I accepted Jesus Christ in March of 2009 and began chasing after Him.
Although I am still a bundle of wickedness, evil and rebellion I am also blood brought, chosen, and being transformed. I wake up every day just to die. Dying to myself and praying that Christ may live in me and through me. Praying that His grace would make me into a conduit for Him to dispense His love, His hope, His meaning, and His salvation to those that are in desperate need of His grace, His mercy, and knowledge of Himself. I am constantly being challenged, and convicted to not just grow in Christ but to allow Christ to grow in me, to consume me, until “me” no longer exist. Until all that remains….. is like Him. If someone was to read my life narrative, I pray that it wouldn’t be about me at all…..