I remember calling my mentor and telling him I was trapped in sexual sin. It took so much to actually push the words out of my mouth. He was so encouraging, he recommended this awesome book called the Game Plan then told me that there was absolutely nothing I could say that would change our relationship. That his opinion of me was fixed. That statement was incredibly refreshing, because you don’t hear that often, but that’s exactly how God thinks. I’ll be “celebrating” one year of sexual sobriety soon and I stumbled upon this in one of my journals and just wanted to share it. I hope you enjoy it- K.D.
Entry from my Journal dates September 25, 2011
So have you ever awakened after doing something you should not have done.
Awkward thought to start off with right, everyone is now thinking what did this guy do? I’m asking the questions…we will get to me.
If your anything like me, once, twice, or more times you have woken up with the weight, shame, and guilt of doing something you may not be so comfortable with after its done. You wake and there is a feeling inside of you that is stronger than any thought inside of your head. It controls your life in that moment. So in that moment to regain control of your existence you have one of two options. (You know all of this, I am just pulling your cards.)
Option #1: Is to bury the feeling; which really never works but becomes more of a buried chain, invisible yes…but still very restrictive.
Option #2: You confront it, which takes courage, a lot of courage because you know that when you confront this thing it’s going to cause some real change to occur in your life, changes that are going to be difficult, changes that are going to be emotional, changes that are going to affect some relationships…you know that when you choose to stand up, confront your issues (the issues you know that have been holding you back) its going to suck, its going to be uncomfortable, but your going to feel so much better.
So we can play nice and we can address each other with the long border of defense. (Pause for explanation of terms: Long border of defense= the shield that an individual will put up to avoid absolute disclosure or complete vulnerability.) OR we can call it how it is….our lives have some junk.
Some of us have a little bit. Some of us have a lot. Some of us call it dirt, some of us call it issues, some of us call it sin. Some of us sweep it under the carpet, some of us have a junk yard so vast we need a guide to help navigate through it. Whatever your position is in Junkdom, don’t fret YOUR NOT ALONE. Everyone throws up their long border of defense, and pretends like they are not a citizen of Junkdom, but call up their Momma and I bet you’ll find their passport is full of stamps to Junkdom and back.
If your anything like me, and have decided to confront your issues head on, and feel like you have a junkyard full of issues that you need a guide to help you navigate through. Then you may sometimes wonder “Who can I go to? No one will understand, if I tell someone they will judge me.” Stop right there. Be like Mike and start with the man in the mirror. Release yourself. Forgive your self, and let’s get this party started.
The reality is everyone has issues. We can only truly be free when we allow ourselves to truly be human and not be governed by some fictitious shadow organization known as “they”. Forget “they”! Jesus made a really interesting statement in Luke 5.
“I’ve come to call sinners to change the way they think and act, not to call people who think they have God’s approval.”
If this is true, and I absolutely believe it is then in order for us to truly be changed and deal with some of the things that are holding us back from greatness, we have to first admit that we fall short in some areas, then start a serious quest to rid ourselves of those issues that we may be perfected, developed, and great.
There is this incredible analogy that I love and think about often. It’s the analogy of the Silversmith. When a Silversmith is attempting to make silver, he is incredible strategic in his process. First, he heats the metal to incredible temperatures until it liquifies. Then he waits as the impurities of the metal begin to rise to the surface. He then scoops the impurities from the metal, allows the metal to become solid again, and then looks into it hoping to see his reflection. If he doesn’t see his reflection, and only sees the impurities then he repeats the process. Heating, liquifying, scooping impurities, solidifying and looking until he is able to see his reflection. When he can see himself then he knows that it is complete.
Our lives are like silver, and God is the silversmith. He heats our lives up sometimes. He does this just so he can scoop the impurities out of our lives. Sometimes we whine and complain, because there are some really ugly things inside of us. We fret about what we have done, but God knows that those impurities were there the entire time. It would be ridiculous of silver to hold onto its impurities. If it did, then it would never be silver, just some dirty metal. God desires to scoop every impurity from our lives until he can look at us, and see his reflection. Submit to the process, confess and quest.
Keep pressing friends.